ATTENTION!

Regular posting will return soon, as there is internet in my apartment. I live in the stone age, though, and must install a wireless card on my clunky desktop. Sorry...I've just always been more of a fan of the hard ethernet cable.

To tide you over until then, I reference a post I found on Kotaku.

Gyakuten Saiban 3 is coming stateside in September, obviously meant to coincide with my birthday. But, even cooler, as with the last DS iteration, it's got the option to play in English right off the bat in the import version! I actually still haven't beaten Justice For All, (Get off my back, I've got Pokemans to deal with!) but Phoenix Wright is one of my favorite franchises in games today. I'm saddened to know that the next one doesn't feature Phoenix and his colorful cast of characters as the star...

The Lost Blog

Hey folks...it's Jacob. Still in Manteo, North Carolina. I haven't had much access to the internet, so I've no clue what's going on in the gaming world. Is Sonic still edgy? I should be getting internet access by the end of the week, so the same old smart ass comments you've come to know and love will flow on a daily basis once again.

I miss you all. Kisses.

On the road again...

Hey folks,

Once again, apologies for the sporadic postings. It's been a rough week. I won't bore you with the details, but I did have two auditions I had to get prepared for this week, not to mention getting ready for my big move to North Carolina for the summer. If anyone is a fan of the blog and happens to see my show, come up after and tell me so. I'll be amazed.

Until I'm able to get regular internet access, I leave the blog in the very capable hands of finnagan. He'll be your daddy until I get back.

But I will be back and will toss up postings when I get the chance.

See you on the other side.

Jackie Chan is...

Seriously...how have I never seen this?

The 10 Point Scale

First off, sorry we haven't been around much. Here at the Hyper Critical HQ, life has been very, very busy. Normal posting should resume some time next week, though I'll try my darndest, in the meantime, to keep you full and fat off of video game observations as I can.

This story seems to be getting some play . The idea of a ten point scale as a way of judging videogames has gotten out of whack over the years, to the point where anything below a 7.5 for a Mario title is blasphemy. Well, Stephen Totilo put himself to the test a while back, and created his own ten point scale as a point of reference. It was first pointed out to me by Guy over at IP. He's actually putting together a column about it. I submitted my ten point scale, but thought that it would be a waste to not share it with you. So, without further adieu...my ten point scale.


10 -

Resident Evil 4 (NGC) - In my mind, the best marriage of storytelling and gameplay of the last generation.

Civilization 3 (PC) - The single most addictive game I've ever played in my life. Endlessly replayable, with endless stories to tell.

9 -

Super Smash Bros. Melee (NGC) - The ultimate party game. Pick up and play at its finest. Though, it rewards judicious study.

Suikoden III (PS2) - A tale told through several perspectives, along with a huge cast of colorful characters. My favorite RPG.

8 -

Hotel Dusk: Room 215 (NDS) - A deep, involving tale, using all of the best features of the console to enhance the story.

Tony Hawk Pro Skater 4 (PS2) - The best soundtrack. One of the finest tuned games around. The great franchise. It's just solid, solid, solid.

7 -

NBA Jam (SNES) - The first one. A basketball game for everyone with off the chart fun.

Sam and Max: Hit the Road (PC) - One of my favorite games of all time. It's a shame it can be completed in less than an hour.

6 -

Blitz: The League (XBX) - A gritty look at football with so much promise. Unfortunately, the characters were ugly, even for the time, and the AI plays cheap catch-up.

Wario Ware: Mega Microgame$ (GBA) - A wonderful collection of addictive microgames. Only problem is, there's not much more than a few minutes of gameplay per turn.

5 -

WWF Smackdown (PS1) - The inferior cousin of the AKI games, Smackdown's control system felt so loose as to be almost unplayable to me. But, the character creation was solid at the time and enjoyable matches could be had.

SimCity (PC) - Yes, I know it's a classic but...there's just no point to it. Build a city...then what?

4 -

Silent Hill 4: The Room (PS2) - Arguably, the finest premise of any of the Silent Hills. "You're trapped in a room and can't get out." Then, what's the first thing they do? You crawl through an extradimensional slip out of the room...

Suikoden IV (PS2) - The only interesting part of this game involved the quest for Ted, the original bearer of the Soul Eater rune from the first game. So, if this was the first Suikoden you picked up, I am very sorry for wasting your time.

3 -

Superman Returns (360) - Slightly better than the movie.

Dead or Alive III (XBX) - The most boring fighting game I've ever played. Plus, I have no love for the characters, so I'm not beholden to love them like some are.

2 -

Final Fantasy VII (PS1) - Cutting edge at the time, but looks like a bum's asshole today. Not to mention the asinine ending and mediocre characters.

Spiderman: Maximum Carnage (SNES) - I wanted this so badly when it came out, as it came out on my birthday and I was a big comic book nerd. I played through it, out of duty, but I look back now and know that, without the IP and cool red cartridge, it's just a substandard beat 'em up. If there's one thing I hate in game design, it's laziness. Maximum Carnage reeks of laziness.

1 -

Xenogears (PS1) - Mind bogglingly stupid. I mean, granted, I guess the idea of beating up mechs with one's fists is cool, but the supposed "depth" of this game doesn't measure up, in any way, to the amount of gameplay provided and certainly doesn't measure up to the paltry story.

Mario Party 3 (N64) - What a waste of a game. Even if you happen to be great at Mario Party's minigames, chances are Bowser is going to show up and take all of your stars anyway. An affront to anyone who has ever played a board game and the only game I ever put down and said, "I will never play this again."


Agree? Disagree? Have your own ten point scale? Let's hear it.

Miyamoto is awesome because he sleeps

Been under the weather H-C faithful, so sorry we took a few days off. Look forward to the next couple of days when we answer the question, "What is the future of gaming going to be?" And, also, the first chapter in our perfect MMO series.

But, for today, here's some quick content.

Over at Kotaku they've got a story about Miyamoto falling asleep during a Koji Kondo speech at GDC. That's not really the story to me, though.

The story to me is that, like, the first five comments on the page are all about how Miyamoto is awesome because he fell asleep at the keynote.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I think Miyamoto is awesome and there's really no problem with him falling asleep during the keynote. I think he's earned it, after all. I just think it's funny how much goodwill Miyamoto has. He's singlehandedly made sleeping cool for Mario fanboys again.